People who enjoy witnessing bizarre lawyers must be having a fantastic day. Not only did we get to witness the sheer joy of filters go wrong when Lawyer Cat came to town, but Trump’s second impeachment trial is currently going down, and hoo boy, did he hire a gem of an attorney. Actually, Trump hired several attorneys (including South Carolina’s Butch Bowers, who shares his name with a Stephen King antagonist), most of which fled their gigs before trial time, and who could blame them? Being a Trump attorney is bad for one’s career and freedom. Just ask Michael Cohen, the former fixer who’s still serving the rest of his house arrest sentence. Rudy Giuliani and Sidney Powell are both fending off billion-dollar lawsuits after the Elite Strike Force debacle. Most attorneys will realize that representing Trump could do one of two things: (1) Torch their careers with disbarment and/or irreparable damage to professional reputation; (2) Land them behind bars after they commit some sort of felony at the behest of a tantrum thrower.
So yeah. Trump hired David Schoen and Bruce Castor, the latter of whom decided not to prosecute Bill Cosby after declaring that his accusers weren’t credible enough. Following opening arguments from Rep. Jamie Raskin (D-MD), Castor created quite a stir with nonsensical remarks on the Senate floor. He’s, well, a performer?
so, uh, Trump's impeachment trial strategy appears to be to just have folks go out there and wing it like it's an open mic night or something pic.twitter.com/FkF1xI6pHo
— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) February 9, 2021
He’s a lawyer who makes strange references to ancient Greece and the Bible while botching pronunciations and missing the mark on analogies.
huh pic.twitter.com/PjCaGViugi
— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) February 9, 2021
"Nebraska, you're going to hear, is quite a judicial thinking place" — a real quote from Bruce Castor pic.twitter.com/lwbbl61xVL
— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) February 9, 2021
Castor also admitted that Trump lost the election, and that it happened in a totally sound and fair way. Was that part of the plan here?
Here's Bruce Castor admitting that Trump lost fair and square pic.twitter.com/cNLUqkqDyo
— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) February 9, 2021
Well, Castor drew a lot of attention, including from Ice-T, who is live-tweeting a freaking impeachment trial because 2021 is better than 2020. “He musta got this Lawyer off Craig’s List…” and “He shoulda used a Public Defender….” are spot-on reactions.
He musta got this Lawyer off Craig’s List…
— ICE T (@FINALLEVEL) February 9, 2021
He shoulda used a Public Defender….
— ICE T (@FINALLEVEL) February 9, 2021
Plead out.. Take the Deal cuz…
— ICE T (@FINALLEVEL) February 9, 2021
Trump’s dumb ass is probably watching and saying “My Lawyers are doing a Tremendous job, the BEST of all time!”
— ICE T (@FINALLEVEL) February 9, 2021
Trump’s Lawyers….. I’m Done. https://t.co/RwKzPa6z7P
— ICE T (@FINALLEVEL) February 9, 2021
Henry Winkler’s definitely watching what’s happening. “WHOOPS Mr, Castor JUST admitted T****. lost,” tweeted the former Fonz. “Omg the former pres most be pissed.”
WHOOPS Mr, Castor JUST admitted T****. lost .. omg the former pres most be pissed
— Henry Winkler (@hwinkler4real) February 9, 2021
If Trump isn’t happy, he certainly can’t tweet about it, which is even more amusing.
Donald Trump on his way to the Capitol to fire Bruce Castor pic.twitter.com/XoyevzmVgV
— Aaron Parnas (@AaronParnas) February 9, 2021
let him tweet just for today imo
— Ashley Feinberg (@ashleyfeinberg) February 9, 2021
It’s hard to disagree with this reality: Castor is a supremely bad lawyer.
There is literally NO lawyer worse than Bruce Castor, and I'm including Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer and Rudy Giuliani.
— BrooklynDad_Defiant! (@mmpadellan) February 9, 2021
On Newsmax, Alan Dershowitz, who served on Trump’s impeachment team last year, says this of Bruce Castor: “I have no idea what he’s doing. Maybe he'll bring it home, but right now, it does not appear to me to be effective advocacy."
— Kaitlan Collins (@kaitlancollins) February 9, 2021
Just in: Bruce Castor is being paid by the word.
— George Takei (@GeorgeTakei) February 9, 2021
Trump lawyer Bruce Castor says the House Managers' presentation was so good that his team huddled and changed course.
— Kyle Griffin (@kylegriffin1) February 9, 2021
Surprising since Bruce Castor received a law degree from the prestigious University of Four Seasons Total Landscaping School of Law. https://t.co/mLFphmPtMt
— David Corn (@DavidCornDC) February 9, 2021
I can't say how I obtained this document but here are Bruce Castor's notes: pic.twitter.com/R6S2Qw376Q
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) February 9, 2021
Bruce Castor is making Rudy Giuliani look like Cicero
— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) February 9, 2021
Legal Twitter getting ready to dunk on Bruce Castor as non-legal twitter comes to dunk on Bruce Castor. pic.twitter.com/z4aAHqYSTa
— Elie Mystal (@ElieNYC) February 9, 2021
Still, some people prefer Lawyer Cat Twitter! To each their own.
I know the impeachment trial is important. But I'm sorry, I can let it distract me from a lawyer telling a judge he wasn't a cat and that he would like to proceed with the case AS IF THERE WAS NOTHING WRONG.
Y'all can move on if you want, but I'm staying on lawyer cat Twitter.
— Isaac (@WorldofIsaac) February 9, 2021
Checking in on Bruce Castor: pic.twitter.com/Qk92hoPV5F
— Parker Molloy (@ParkerMolloy) February 9, 2021