Lil Nas X’s performance at the BET Awards was one of the year’s most notable music moments, mainly because of his on-stage kiss with one of his male dancers. In a new interview with Out, he spoke about the moment, admitting that he was hesitant about doing it at first.
“Going to this place with all these overly masculine rappers and you’re finna be in there throwing a little ass every now and then, touching on dudes and hugging them and kissing them… at some points I was like, ‘Should I even do this? I don’t feel like they’re going to love me like that.’ […]
Mentally, it’s really draining and straining sometimes; The pressure of living your entire life knowing the identity of what a rapper is supposed to be, what rappers [are supposed to] do, and going out there in front of all these people, it’s terrifying. [The BET performance] was like jumping in a lake full of sharks and piranhas — and I’ve had to do that so many times within these last three years. Even coming out, that was terrifying. When I put on the costume of Nicki [Minaj, for Halloween]: terrifying.”
He also spoke about his experience with homosexuality as a kid, saying, “Growing up in the Atlanta area, I [saw] a lot of microaggressions towards homosexuality. Little things like going into an IHOP and hearing one of your family members say, ‘Look at those f****ts’ to two people eating, or even just a small [statement like], ‘Boys don’t cry.’ Little sh*t like living in the hood, not being super into sports, and then having to go outside and pretend that I was.”
Read the full feature here.