Jeff Bezos Is Being Utterly Tragic (Again)

Blending into the background as a billionaire cannot be easy, but trying to do so in southern Spain on a $500 million superyacht that has a giant figurehead of your girlfriend on the front is probably even harder.

That’s the dilemma overlord Jeff Bezos faces every time he steps onto Koru, his 417 foot super vessel, on which he was recently spotted alongside his girlfriend Lauren Sanchez, whom he’s been dating since 2019.

While the superyacht in itself is something (I mean, it has three decks, a swimming pool, and needs a 250-foot helipad support vessel for God’s sake), it’s the fact that the figurehead at the tip of the vessel is that of Sanchez that has us absolutely unapologetically howling.

If it were anyone else aside from Bezos that had affectionately propped a metal statue of their gyal at the nose of a ginormous superyacht it might be seen as cute, but given Amazon’s history of shortchanging its workers, mistakenly firing people on medical leave for no-shows, union-busting, polluting, and so much more, I’m finding it okay to howl at Bezos’ tragicness this time around.

Of course, this isn’t the first time Bezos has been extremely “yer dad” this year. The 59-year-old had the internet chuckling again back in April, after he was spotted at Coachella sporting an utterly swagless butterfly-patterned Amazon ‘fit.

In a series of images posted by cackling Coachella onlookers, Bezos’ $12 Amazon number was paired with umpteen bracelets, ripped jeans, and some damp-ass looking AF1s. As Highsnobiety’s Jake Silbert put it: the outfit that practically screamed, “Hello, fellow kids.”

Sure Bezos might be the fourth richest man in the world with a net-worth of $114 billion, and actually own a $500 million superyacht with a deeply lame figurehead of his girlfriend at the nose, it’s just refreshing to us normal folk that money doesn’t stop someone being wonderfully tragic at almost every given opportunity.

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