Your coutroom, Gwenyth Paltrow’s catwalk. Goop? More like drip! Here’s where I normally would say, “Okay, jokes aside, there’s an actual court case here,” but given the bizarre nature of this entire affair, the entire thing feels so bizarre that the only constant in this entire trial are Paltrow’s deliciously indulgent outfits.
For reference, the circumstances of the case, which went to trial in mid-March, are already pretty wild. Terry Sanderson, a retired optometrist, is suing Gwenyth Paltrow in a Utah courtroom over a 2016 incident that occurred at Utah’s Park City Mountain Resort, wherein Paltrow crashed into septuagenarian Sanderson while skiing.
The exact details are still being hashed out — Sanderson asserts that Paltrow plowed into him, causing damage like “permanent traumatic brain injury” and broken ribs, while Paltrow claims that Sanderson hit her and is exaggerating his harm — but one thing is objectively true: between the fumbling, weirdly conversational lawyers and insane illustrative recreations, this trial is bananas.
Engineering experts were even brought in to doodle stick figures showcasing the moments of impact. Notice that the caricature of Sanderson is inexplicably smiling.
Meanwhile, throughout the entire trial, as consistent as a rock in a storm, Gwenyth Paltrow has been flexing the sort of incredibly good, outrageously expensive outfits you’d expect of the Olsen sisters.
In fact, Paltrow actually wore some clothes from the Olsens’ label, The Row, including a ~$3,500 coat and ~$1,700 turtleneck sweater.
Far be it for me to tacitly support Gwyneth Paltrow here. I don’t particularly care for her — on one hand, she’s excellent in The Royal Tenenbaums, on the other, terrible politics — and I genuinely dislike Goop, her company.
Not only did Paltrow make big bucks off an elitist lifestyle label but she did so while peddling medical misinformation all the while which, yeah, sucks.
However, sometimes you gotta call a spade a spade and a fit a fit and Gwyneth Paltrow is getting off some serious courtroom fits.
We’re talking full Prada, classic Céline bags (with the accent, thanks very much), and, yes, lots of The Row in the ultimate display of not-so-stealth wealth flexing.
I’m sorry, but Gwyneth is simply dressing. Sue me! (Please don’t)
Again, just to be clear, I have no interesting in picking a winner for this trial. Don’t know who’s in the right or wrong here, no opinion at all, really.
It’s just that it simply must be said that, for better or worse, Gwyneth Paltrow is pulling off some unnecessarily excellent courtroom looks, and that’s not even the craziest part of this fairly crazy trial.